What led you to enter the Seamus Heaney Award competition?
The first time I entered a poem for the CAP Arts anthology, was for the Heartlands anthology. To be honest, I didn’t even know there was a Seamus Heaney Award competition attached to the Poetry in Motion project. I saw something online mentioning the title of the anthology, and the word ‘Heartlands’ really spoke to me. I had just written a poem about the Sperrin mountains, where I live. I was a person who struggled to settle down, a bit of a nomad, really. When I first came to the Sperrins, it was like the whole place was just vibrating on a frequency my body remembered, and I was like ‘Oh, so this is it. This is what it feels like to be home.’ Heartlands seemed like the perfect invitation for my poem, so I sent it in. That was the first time I had my work published, which meant a great deal to me. After that, I started to take an interest in the award itself.
You start to take the competition a bit more seriously?
I started to take the competition more seriously after that, yes. I worked really hard on developing my writing – reading widely, taking courses, signing up to workshops. I also developed my knowledge of the competition, and last year I had three poems longlisted, and one of those made the shortlist. I was really delighted with that. I could see the progress I was making. I suppose it gave me a little taste of success, and spurred me on to keep writing and submitting. I was determined to send in three really good poems this year.
Did you end up writing poetry specifically for the competition?
No. I didn’t write any poems specifically for the competition, but I did keep a tight eye on the poems that I wrote last year, and I probably didn’t send out a great deal to magazines or journals or other competitions because I really wanted to keep the cream of the crop for the Seamus Heaney Award.
How many drafts did you make of the winning poem?
I started the poem in a workshop with Moyra Donaldson. I left it alone for a while after that, but I suppose it was percolating in my brain for a few months before I really committed to redrafting it. Bits and pieces filtered in over time. Then, when I finally settled down to write it, a lot of the poem was already sitting there in my heart and in my mind. The writing bit came fairly easily because of that.
What about the presentation, the backslash orientation?
The poem is about the pain experienced by mothers and also the pain inflicted by mothers. The slashes just felt right to me. Every backslash was like a stab in the mother’s heart, or a stab in the collective consciousness, because we are all carrying around these horrific stories and pictures in our minds.
It is also a bit like I was splicing hundreds of stories together. I went to Film School in 2001. We used to use tape splicing machines to edit our films. The backslashes made me feel like I was back there, using one of those old-fashioned editing machines. I really wanted to avoid a full-stop at the end of the poem, because there seems to be no end to the damage we humans do to one another. I hope that the slashes are more than a novelty item, that they actually add depth and meaning to the poem.
Would it be reasonable to say that there is a newsflash element to the lines?
I was deeply haunted by the thought of George Floyd calling out for his mother before he died; I still get choked up about that now. I suppose we are all haunted by these sad things we soak up from the media. The tragic story of Damilola Taylor has troubled me for years – such a beautiful boy with that gorgeous smile, so innocent and lovely. I could go on and on. We absorb so much pain and tragedy on a daily basis. I wonder what that’s doing to us, if it desensitises us.
How did you know when you had finished the poem?
The last line just landed in my brain, fully formed. My whole body felt the power of it. It was a really physical experience. I wouldn’t say I am prone to moments of inspiration, but that was definitely one. If the Muse is listening, feel free to send them my way a bit more frequently!
Were you surprised when you were announced as the winner?
I was happy with the poem. I felt it had a lot to say, but poetry is so subjective, and the line-up of poets was very strong. I didn’t dare hope I would win. When my name was called, it was an utterly delightful moment that I will treasure for the rest of my life.
Where to now?
I’ve finished my first collection, All The Hurt That Ever Was. I am sending it out to publishers, hoping someone will be brave enough to take it on. It tackles a lot of big, thorny themes – sexual violence, coercive control, the hard magic of living life in a woman’s body.
Winning this award was a major milestone in my life. The only dream I’ve ever had is to be a writer. Winning the Seamus Heaney Award has made that dream feel much, much closer.
